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I deleted the porn saved on my PC and he tells me he did the same.By Allah’s Grace he is still going good, whereas, i have found it more difficult.I’ve prayed those prayers in the middle of the night when i thought to myself, “man, i wish i could pray with that much khushoo’ in every salaah” and i made salaam and thought i’d never return to that sin, but then a week, or two weeks later, i was back at it.But let this next event sum it up for you: me standing in Mecca asking Allah to help me stop committing this sin, asking Allah to kind of like flick off a switch and just bring it to a stop, because i am mentally fatigued by the daily battle inside me between my shameful desires and my Muslim conscience, and i just want it to stop but its proving too difficult right now.But I’m certainly with those who are unhappy and want out as opposed to those who just don’t give a damn. I personally think that it is nigh-on impossible to give it up here in the West once you’re addicted because sex and pretty women are all around you, on the TV, in the streets, at work – everywhere. If you can make a quiet du’a for Allah to switch off my addiction just as quickly as the light goes off when you flick the switch i would be most grateful.Sisters, your husbands go to work and there are pretty women all around. What pornography offers is variety: black, white, fat, thin, tall, short, all sorts. The one thing that keeps the struggle within me alive: Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls!You don’t realize the self-loathing, and hatred a brother has for himself in his day to day life when he remembers what he does when no one is watching but Allah. Before i begin, let me say that in this story of my own descent into sin, i blame no one but myself. I am a brother between 25 and 30 with my own family who i love very much and I’ve been practising for many years. I don’t want to go into the details, but soon after i was introduced to pornography, i was hooked on it.I will deliberately be vague in some of what i say so that no one finds out who i am. What fanned the flames of desire was access to the internet.
So you’re first mistake is looking at a woman lustfully.The previous post on “The Secret Life of Husbands“, part of MM’s “Sex & the Muslim Ummah” series, was sort of a milestone post.